A (relatively) new phenomenon to grow out of the recession is the increase in numbers of stay at home Dad's. This is not to imply that there haven't been Dad's out there doing a super job as primary care givers to their children but it is fair to say that never before have we seen such high numbers of Dad's taking on this role while their partners are working outside of the home. Indeed the Irish Times show case one such family today http://bit.ly/l1B6F0
But what does this mean for family life and the parent child relationship?
The increase in numbers of stay at home Dad's (or SAHD from now on!) is partly due to a general evolution of "family" in society but also, and particularly in Ireland at the moment, due to the numbers of men who have been made redundant in recession, which has had a particular impact on the development industry, a mostly male industry. As a result many families in Ireland are faced with restructuring their own family norms with Mum going (back) to work and Dad taking on the role of primary care giver to the children and the household chores. While on the surface, the evolved modern family, very much accepts and indeed embraces Dad's taking on this role the stereotype of this being traditionally a woman's work is still prevalent in Irish society and many Dad's are feeling this when faced with being the only Dad at the school gate or the only Dad in the (now named) Parent Toddler groups. This is changing though and if we adults in society can support this change then children will benefit!
There are always voices to the contrary but I believe that fathers can absolutely be as nurturing and child centred as mothers and the reality is so long as both parents are content in the roles they have each decided to take on, the children will also be happy. The main question arises around this point...are all of our SAHD genuinely content to find themselves in this role? I think not, given many of them are doing so as a direct result to losing their jobs outside of the home and for no other reason/motivation. It may be very challenging for a father to reconcile himself with this new role as SAHD and he faces the challenge of relearning his position within the family unit and the value he is contributing. A recessionary SAHD may worry that this forced time out of the business world will lead to him losing his edge, his skills and that the longer he stays out of the work force the harder it will become to ever get back into it...the same worries SAHM have faced for years.
There are benefits for the children however, in having one of their parents at home with them. There are benefits for the family in terms of saving money on day care and studies show that mothers who work outside of the home are able to enjoy, embrace and excel in their careers with less worries and less guilt when their partners are at home with the children. Mothers who are now the main earners will also experience new and in some cases unfamiliar pressures with their partners staying at home with the children, the family is now dependent on them and their salary and she must be careful to support her partner in becoming the primary care giver and not to undermine this in the eyes of the children. This can be challenging for mothers who may have held this role in their children's lives thusfar but it is important to recognise the importance of maximising the *quality time you have with your child when you cannot have quantity time with them.
The key to making this arrangement work to the benefit of all parties (mothers/father and the children) is support and respect. The SAHD must be able to build a support network to support him in his transition into this role. There has been a growth in the numbers of support networks through social media targeted at SAHD and this can only be a good thing. The SAHD must also feel respected in the work he is now doing at home...the question "what did you do all day" can be experienced as antagonistic when the SAHD has spent the day as referee between the children...in the same way it has antagonised SAHM for years, so perhaps this new experience of gender role reversal in families will actually increase mutual respect for the roles traditionally done by the other, time will tell.
However, in spite of this trend of SAHD growing they remain a minority and as yet there is no good research that has been conducted on the impact SAHD have on the children. Logic and psychology tell us that the children will benefit from this increased time with their fathers, they will be able to get to know each other better and develop stronger bonds with their fathers as nurturing care givers. Of course for this to happen, SAHD must be happy in their role as primary care giver and for some they may need to access support networks and/or *services to enable this to happen. Remember who you are doing this for...the children and keep focused on how they will benefit from having you around more.
* Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic provides services in these area www.solamh.com
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