Earlier this week an article in the Irish Independent reported on the trial of Mark Bruton-Young, a 36 year old Dad charged with murdering his baby daughter, why is this article getting such particular attention worldwide...because Mark Bruton-Young is pleading Post Natal Depression as the mitigating factor in his taking his baby girls life! http://bit.ly/jPcHx9
For so long post natal depression has been viewed, researched, diagnosed and treated as a female illness directly linked to pregnancy and the experience of child birth. In 2008 there were 20,624 births recorded for the Dublin area alone. Statistically 12% of Mothers will suffer from some degree of Post Natal Depression (PND) with 1 out of 500 being hospitalised with severe symptoms. Research continues to link PND in women with a specific hormone imbalance but so far the findings are insubstantial, what is undeniable though is that psycho-social factors are a contributing factor and that PND is a serious and debilitating illness that requires professional support and intervention at the earliest possible signs.
Pregnancy and child birth can be an emotionally over whelming experience and combined with the lack of sleep and the demands of a new baby women can struggle to manage and regulate the experience. What this research is now telling us, and it does make sense when you think about it, is that fathers are exposed to the same stresses and emotions that accompany the life-changing experience becoming a parent is. Fathers are more likely to experience signs and symptoms of PND if they have a previous history of depression (as is true in mothers) or are older Dad's (as the life style adjustment in this case can be greater). Symptoms of PND in fathers were observed to emerge either during the mothers pregnancy or during the first year of the child's life, peaking at 3-6 months after birth. If a mother has PND the likelihood of the father developing it himself also increase significantly.
What all of this tells us is that becoming a parent is a stressful, overwhelming and life changing experience that some of us are going to need extra supports and intervention to cope with...and that if one parent is showing signs of depression then we should be looking to the other parent at the same time to ensure he/she have all the supports they need. Most importantly, do not suffer in silence!!
Parents suffering from PND will ask how it will effect the child(ren) and the answer is that there is an effect but if you can seek appropriate support and help as early as possible the effect will not be long lasting. If PND remains untreated the infant/child may develop behavioural issues and/or attachment disorder as a result...again this can be addressed and worked with, the key point is to ensure you seek help! Children, even very young infants, can pick up on how their care givers are feeling and they may take on these feelings as their own and begin to mirror you and/or see themselves as having to take care of you and make you happy. We know that children do best when they are growing up in a safe, loving, secure environment and they need you to be feeling happy and at your best to provide this. If you are not able to do so you should enlist the support of family and friends to help you with your child(ren) while you are seeking support so that the child(ren) is also receiving positive and appropriate care from a trusted adult. The Health Service Executive may be of assistance to you in this regard if you need them. The child(ren) of parents with PND may benefit from a therapeutic intervention such as play therapy and/or theraplay.
Prognosis for a full recovery is very good but it does depend on you acknowledging that there is a problem and that you seek support and help. Friends and family are a great source of support but you should also seek professional support, your GP is a very good place to start and there are many organisations throughout Ireland who offer ongoing support to parents with PND or other related issues. My clinic, Solamh Parent Child Relationship Clinic in Dublin also offers specialised support in this area (to both mothers and fathers) and you can read more about this on www.solamh.com and feel free to contact us for more information and/or an appointment.
Wednesday 18 May 2011
Tuesday 17 May 2011
When Dad is the stay at home parent
A (relatively) new phenomenon to grow out of the recession is the increase in numbers of stay at home Dad's. This is not to imply that there haven't been Dad's out there doing a super job as primary care givers to their children but it is fair to say that never before have we seen such high numbers of Dad's taking on this role while their partners are working outside of the home. Indeed the Irish Times show case one such family today http://bit.ly/l1B6F0
But what does this mean for family life and the parent child relationship?
The increase in numbers of stay at home Dad's (or SAHD from now on!) is partly due to a general evolution of "family" in society but also, and particularly in Ireland at the moment, due to the numbers of men who have been made redundant in recession, which has had a particular impact on the development industry, a mostly male industry. As a result many families in Ireland are faced with restructuring their own family norms with Mum going (back) to work and Dad taking on the role of primary care giver to the children and the household chores. While on the surface, the evolved modern family, very much accepts and indeed embraces Dad's taking on this role the stereotype of this being traditionally a woman's work is still prevalent in Irish society and many Dad's are feeling this when faced with being the only Dad at the school gate or the only Dad in the (now named) Parent Toddler groups. This is changing though and if we adults in society can support this change then children will benefit!
There are always voices to the contrary but I believe that fathers can absolutely be as nurturing and child centred as mothers and the reality is so long as both parents are content in the roles they have each decided to take on, the children will also be happy. The main question arises around this point...are all of our SAHD genuinely content to find themselves in this role? I think not, given many of them are doing so as a direct result to losing their jobs outside of the home and for no other reason/motivation. It may be very challenging for a father to reconcile himself with this new role as SAHD and he faces the challenge of relearning his position within the family unit and the value he is contributing. A recessionary SAHD may worry that this forced time out of the business world will lead to him losing his edge, his skills and that the longer he stays out of the work force the harder it will become to ever get back into it...the same worries SAHM have faced for years.
There are benefits for the children however, in having one of their parents at home with them. There are benefits for the family in terms of saving money on day care and studies show that mothers who work outside of the home are able to enjoy, embrace and excel in their careers with less worries and less guilt when their partners are at home with the children. Mothers who are now the main earners will also experience new and in some cases unfamiliar pressures with their partners staying at home with the children, the family is now dependent on them and their salary and she must be careful to support her partner in becoming the primary care giver and not to undermine this in the eyes of the children. This can be challenging for mothers who may have held this role in their children's lives thusfar but it is important to recognise the importance of maximising the *quality time you have with your child when you cannot have quantity time with them.
The key to making this arrangement work to the benefit of all parties (mothers/father and the children) is support and respect. The SAHD must be able to build a support network to support him in his transition into this role. There has been a growth in the numbers of support networks through social media targeted at SAHD and this can only be a good thing. The SAHD must also feel respected in the work he is now doing at home...the question "what did you do all day" can be experienced as antagonistic when the SAHD has spent the day as referee between the children...in the same way it has antagonised SAHM for years, so perhaps this new experience of gender role reversal in families will actually increase mutual respect for the roles traditionally done by the other, time will tell.
However, in spite of this trend of SAHD growing they remain a minority and as yet there is no good research that has been conducted on the impact SAHD have on the children. Logic and psychology tell us that the children will benefit from this increased time with their fathers, they will be able to get to know each other better and develop stronger bonds with their fathers as nurturing care givers. Of course for this to happen, SAHD must be happy in their role as primary care giver and for some they may need to access support networks and/or *services to enable this to happen. Remember who you are doing this for...the children and keep focused on how they will benefit from having you around more.
* Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic provides services in these area www.solamh.com
But what does this mean for family life and the parent child relationship?
The increase in numbers of stay at home Dad's (or SAHD from now on!) is partly due to a general evolution of "family" in society but also, and particularly in Ireland at the moment, due to the numbers of men who have been made redundant in recession, which has had a particular impact on the development industry, a mostly male industry. As a result many families in Ireland are faced with restructuring their own family norms with Mum going (back) to work and Dad taking on the role of primary care giver to the children and the household chores. While on the surface, the evolved modern family, very much accepts and indeed embraces Dad's taking on this role the stereotype of this being traditionally a woman's work is still prevalent in Irish society and many Dad's are feeling this when faced with being the only Dad at the school gate or the only Dad in the (now named) Parent Toddler groups. This is changing though and if we adults in society can support this change then children will benefit!
There are always voices to the contrary but I believe that fathers can absolutely be as nurturing and child centred as mothers and the reality is so long as both parents are content in the roles they have each decided to take on, the children will also be happy. The main question arises around this point...are all of our SAHD genuinely content to find themselves in this role? I think not, given many of them are doing so as a direct result to losing their jobs outside of the home and for no other reason/motivation. It may be very challenging for a father to reconcile himself with this new role as SAHD and he faces the challenge of relearning his position within the family unit and the value he is contributing. A recessionary SAHD may worry that this forced time out of the business world will lead to him losing his edge, his skills and that the longer he stays out of the work force the harder it will become to ever get back into it...the same worries SAHM have faced for years.
There are benefits for the children however, in having one of their parents at home with them. There are benefits for the family in terms of saving money on day care and studies show that mothers who work outside of the home are able to enjoy, embrace and excel in their careers with less worries and less guilt when their partners are at home with the children. Mothers who are now the main earners will also experience new and in some cases unfamiliar pressures with their partners staying at home with the children, the family is now dependent on them and their salary and she must be careful to support her partner in becoming the primary care giver and not to undermine this in the eyes of the children. This can be challenging for mothers who may have held this role in their children's lives thusfar but it is important to recognise the importance of maximising the *quality time you have with your child when you cannot have quantity time with them.
The key to making this arrangement work to the benefit of all parties (mothers/father and the children) is support and respect. The SAHD must be able to build a support network to support him in his transition into this role. There has been a growth in the numbers of support networks through social media targeted at SAHD and this can only be a good thing. The SAHD must also feel respected in the work he is now doing at home...the question "what did you do all day" can be experienced as antagonistic when the SAHD has spent the day as referee between the children...in the same way it has antagonised SAHM for years, so perhaps this new experience of gender role reversal in families will actually increase mutual respect for the roles traditionally done by the other, time will tell.
However, in spite of this trend of SAHD growing they remain a minority and as yet there is no good research that has been conducted on the impact SAHD have on the children. Logic and psychology tell us that the children will benefit from this increased time with their fathers, they will be able to get to know each other better and develop stronger bonds with their fathers as nurturing care givers. Of course for this to happen, SAHD must be happy in their role as primary care giver and for some they may need to access support networks and/or *services to enable this to happen. Remember who you are doing this for...the children and keep focused on how they will benefit from having you around more.
* Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic provides services in these area www.solamh.com
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