The Independent carries a story today about a Beauty Salon in Essex UK that is specifically for the Under 13 year old market and there has been quite a reaction to it so far http://ind.pn/kDNaqH
Now I'm going to be very clear on my position on this one...I do NOT approve of bringing young children to a Beauty Salon to have Manicure/Pedicures/Facials/Spray Tans or any other beauty treatment (for an extra cost this salon will also provide your child with a photographer to follow them around...so is fame now also an entitlement that is closely alligned with beauty and nothing to do with achievement!?!?!).
I've heard both sides of the arguments about how it's just child's play and children play Mummy's and Daddy's and other adult roles involving hair and make-up all the time, that it is good for them. Yes this is true and this is good for them, however, a child role playing the roles they see their parents doing and using their imaginations to enact the experience as they see and understand it is quite separate to the experience of being brought to a salon where a professional is attending to their grooming as though they actually were adults...this is not a subtle difference, this is in fact a screamingly obvious difference!
Children are growing up in an increasingly image obsessed society where the onus is on how you look as opposed to what you do. Parents should be focused on empowering their children to feel beautiful from the inside and to behave and act in a beautiful way towards themselves and others...this is enough "beauty" for any child to be concerned with. Beauty Salons are an adult experience and we should not tolerate attempts to force our children to lose their already too short and too precious childhoods.
I fully accept (& have witnessed) how little girls and boys are fascinated with watching their mothers engage in their beauty regime, apply make-up, paint their nails. This should not be confused with a fascination with beauty and make-up alone, this is a child's fascination with watching their Mother's and idealising their Mother's routines...this fascination is as much about the child's preoccupation with their Mum's as it is about any preoccupation with Make-Up. To introduce your child to a salon of this kind at such a young age is to expose and immerse them in an adult world at a premature stage, it takes away any aspect of creativity and imagination that is fundamental to this kind of role play and Role Play is an essential stage of any child's Developmental Play experience.
NOTE: See my Blog on the 3 Stages of Developmental Play - EPR
All children,not just little girls, need to engage in fantasy and role play, they must be allowed to use their imaginations to express how they are experiencing their world and the people in their world, this is fundamental to their growth and development.
So, it's a yes to dressing up in Mum's high heels and dressing gown while role playing being an adult and it is a very big NO to eliminating imagination and actually having your child experience life as an adult prematurely. Parents must trust their own instincts on this and not allow the normalisation of such practices in society to make us feel like prudes when we tell our children that they are too young for a Manicure!
You can find out more about Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic and the work we do on www.solamh.com
Thursday 9 June 2011
Wednesday 8 June 2011
Children's Nightmares - how to address them
Nightmares and/or recurring bad dreams can be a traumatic experience for a child and will effect their sleep pattern and routine. Your child may be reluctant to go to bed, say they're not tired, wake themselves up in the early hours and need reassurance during the night. So here is a tried and tested technique to address children's nightmares or bad dreams that ALWAYS works!
The key to this technique is that you must be supremely confident in it working and be able to sell that in how you present it to your child for it to be effective...so remember, this ALWAYS works!
If your child experiences a nightmare or recurring bad dreams, set aside a block of time the next day to sit with them. Ensure that you have uninterrupted time, even 30 minutes to give this your full attention. You will need; paper (2 sheets), markers or crayons/pencils.
The key to this technique is that you must be supremely confident in it working and be able to sell that in how you present it to your child for it to be effective...so remember, this ALWAYS works!
If your child experiences a nightmare or recurring bad dreams, set aside a block of time the next day to sit with them. Ensure that you have uninterrupted time, even 30 minutes to give this your full attention. You will need; paper (2 sheets), markers or crayons/pencils.
- Sit down with your child and tell them that you know a way of stopping bad dreams that ALWAYS works.
- Invite them to think about the bad dream and to draw the bit of the dream that scares them most. Reflect on what you see in this drawing without projecting your own thoughts, in other words "I see this Black bit here, I wonder what that is"
- NOTE: The use of "wondering" can facilitate your child to go deeper into the dream but doesn't put pressure on them if they don't want to, in the way direct questions can put pressure on them to produce an answer.
- Tell them that dreams are exactly like movies and that they are the director of their dream so can decide to yell "cut" and change the scene.
- Now, have them look at the scary drawing, yell "cut" and now invite them to think about how they would like the dream to go, what would they like to happen instead of this scary bit that would make it a happier dream. Have them visualise the happier change, what does it look like, how does it feel etc
- When your child has the new 'scene' in mind, have them draw this new scene for the dream. Again, reflect on what you see, use "wondering" to encourage them to talk about this happier scene.
- Once done, tell your child that they can tear up the scary part and throw it away and go with them as they bring the new happy dream scene into their bedroom and they can either pin it to the wall by their bed so that they see it every night or place it under their pillow, whichever they prefer.
- Again, reiterate that this ALWAYS works so the bad dream won't come back again.
By sounding supremely confident you validate this technique as working and empower your child to control the dream. The dream itself is important, it is your child's way of unconsciously processing thoughts during the night so it is equally important that you spend some time during this process reflecting and wondering with them about the bad or scary parts of the dream, this enables them to put words and feelings onto what is happening and to bring it from their unconscious to their conscious thinking, they can thereby process it and let it go. The happier drawing empowers them to change the dream and take control of it and change the ending, ultimately reaffirming that when something is scary, they can 'discuss' it with you, think about it, talk about changing the scary thing and then let it go of it. It also allows you and your child to enjoy a restful sleep again.
This technique doesn't mean your child will never have another bad dream but it can be used again and again where necessary. It is particularly effective where a child is experiencing a recurring dream. If there is a pattern of recurring and/or frequent bad dreams it may indicate an underlying anxiety, in which case you might want to consider seeking professional advice/support from a child psychotherapist/play therapist /psychologist. For further information about this or other child development/behavioural challenges contact Solamh -Parent Child Relationship Clinic on 01-6976568 www.solamh.com
Friday 3 June 2011
Three Stages of Play - EPR
Children develop through play, it is how they learn to form and develop relationships with their environment and people in their environment, it is how they learn about who they are in themselves. There are three core stages in Developmental Play and these are commonly referred to as EPR or Embodiment Play, Projective Play and Role Play, which occur in a particular sequence and each is of particular value to a child's development in that they cannot proceed to the next stage without having fully negotiated the first one.
Embodiment Play is essential to developing a sense of trust and is the first of these stages in Developmental Play...babies learn to trust in a physical way, not through words. If babies needs are met in the first years they are in a strong position going forward, it is much more difficult to develop a sense of trust later on than it is to reconnect again with their earlier sense of trust.
In essence this Embodiment Stage of Play is about learning and integrating that sense of having a body and having skin. The young child learns "I have a body; This is what my body can do; This is where my body ends". It is essential that children learn to develop this sense of self as opposed to understanding themselves with/through others. This stage of play centers around a sensory exploration by the infant of their environment and those in it!
Where there have been gaps in the early attachment cycle and/or these stages of developmental play have not been negotiated we may see a child coping at a projective level of play but the healing will involve a return to where the need is. In therapy, a traumatised/attachment disordered child will begin to heal and return to the 'nesting' or Embodiment Level to re-negotiate through this stage in a healthier way that allows them to progress onto the next stage because we need to have this sense of self and trust in order to progress onwards.
Projective Play is the next stage and follows on from the stage of Embodiment Play. This stage involves an increased focus on stories and narrations to further explore and investigate objects, people and their general environment at a deeper level.
We must hold in mind the fact that children have less external influences as their life experience is more limited, therefore what they 'tell' us is very likely to be something that is still very active in their lives. During the Embodiment stage the child is learning how to find a way to contain their emotions, how to read cues and then to realise that that emotions are their feelings but are not THEM! Without developing this sense of self they are less likely to be able to negotiate into and through Projective Play, i.e. they are not ready to read their feelings!
Note: We cannot be held responsible for how we feel BUT we do need to find and be responsible for finding a way to express how we feel that does not hurt ourselves or others...it is very important that children are given and understand this message
What has been introjected before, in the previous stage, is now what is projected by the child in their behaviours. Where there are difficulties a qualified therapist will work to give the child a new introject that they can incorporate into their projected play.
Dramatic play, whereby the child uses play to re-structure and/or re-arrange aspects of their life events to gain a better understanding of themselves and their world occurs in the final stage of Developmental Play, Role Play Stage.
There will be aspects of the first stage of embodiment play evident in both Projective and Role Play stages. The therapist working with the child must be adequately trained and skilled to spot these signs and measure where the child is at developmentally and where the gaps are. It is very normal for all children to temporarily regress to this first stage or employ aspects of sensory and embodiment play during the later stages, we should not pathologise everything the child does and this is why it is very important to understand what is 'normal' and what may indicate a developmental or attachment delay/gap. Where gaps exist and where there is evidence of a developmental delay the therapist will use specific play based interventions aimed at supporting developmental growth and returning the child to their normal and healthy developmental path.
Children presenting with attachment disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, conduct disorder, ADD/ADHD, Autism, Aspergers, Personality Disorder etc will all experience a deficit in this developmental functioning as a result of the limit their condition imposes. The therapeutic goal with these children, who are often coming to the attention of services and professionals because they are acting out in a variety of challenging behaviours or displaying emotional and/or social impairments, is always to assist the child back to the highest possible level of developmental functioning, sometimes this will be to the highest level of functioning possible given their existing limitations as opposed to what is considered age appropriate for them.
If a child has not been able to negotiate the embodiment and projective play stages they will be incapable of empathy. It is important that this is addressed appropriately to allow the child to heal, grow and develop into a healthy and rounded individual.
In my work and in addition to the above, I am using play to observe the child and ascertain where they are at now, to develop a means of communicating and connecting with the child and to enable the child to express how they are feeling. Play, in the therapeutic setting, is a means for the child to gain and express mastery of themselves, their world and their experiences. The concept of "Repetition Compulsion" is always running concurrently, seen in the child's tendency to repeat the same play over and over again or the same themes, and this compulsion is an attempt to gain control over their internal world again, particularly if something traumatic has happened in their lives. Play is a means of connecting with the healthy parts of the child and enables the therapist to develop a positive therapeutic alliance that in turn allows trust to develop and the work of processing and repairing to begin. This is always at the core of our work in Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic and guides and informs our treatment plans.
You can read more about our work on www.solamh.com or call us on 01-6976568 for further information about the work we do
Embodiment Play is essential to developing a sense of trust and is the first of these stages in Developmental Play...babies learn to trust in a physical way, not through words. If babies needs are met in the first years they are in a strong position going forward, it is much more difficult to develop a sense of trust later on than it is to reconnect again with their earlier sense of trust.
In essence this Embodiment Stage of Play is about learning and integrating that sense of having a body and having skin. The young child learns "I have a body; This is what my body can do; This is where my body ends". It is essential that children learn to develop this sense of self as opposed to understanding themselves with/through others. This stage of play centers around a sensory exploration by the infant of their environment and those in it!
Where there have been gaps in the early attachment cycle and/or these stages of developmental play have not been negotiated we may see a child coping at a projective level of play but the healing will involve a return to where the need is. In therapy, a traumatised/attachment disordered child will begin to heal and return to the 'nesting' or Embodiment Level to re-negotiate through this stage in a healthier way that allows them to progress onto the next stage because we need to have this sense of self and trust in order to progress onwards.
Projective Play is the next stage and follows on from the stage of Embodiment Play. This stage involves an increased focus on stories and narrations to further explore and investigate objects, people and their general environment at a deeper level.
We must hold in mind the fact that children have less external influences as their life experience is more limited, therefore what they 'tell' us is very likely to be something that is still very active in their lives. During the Embodiment stage the child is learning how to find a way to contain their emotions, how to read cues and then to realise that that emotions are their feelings but are not THEM! Without developing this sense of self they are less likely to be able to negotiate into and through Projective Play, i.e. they are not ready to read their feelings!
Note: We cannot be held responsible for how we feel BUT we do need to find and be responsible for finding a way to express how we feel that does not hurt ourselves or others...it is very important that children are given and understand this message
What has been introjected before, in the previous stage, is now what is projected by the child in their behaviours. Where there are difficulties a qualified therapist will work to give the child a new introject that they can incorporate into their projected play.
Dramatic play, whereby the child uses play to re-structure and/or re-arrange aspects of their life events to gain a better understanding of themselves and their world occurs in the final stage of Developmental Play, Role Play Stage.
There will be aspects of the first stage of embodiment play evident in both Projective and Role Play stages. The therapist working with the child must be adequately trained and skilled to spot these signs and measure where the child is at developmentally and where the gaps are. It is very normal for all children to temporarily regress to this first stage or employ aspects of sensory and embodiment play during the later stages, we should not pathologise everything the child does and this is why it is very important to understand what is 'normal' and what may indicate a developmental or attachment delay/gap. Where gaps exist and where there is evidence of a developmental delay the therapist will use specific play based interventions aimed at supporting developmental growth and returning the child to their normal and healthy developmental path.
Children presenting with attachment disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, conduct disorder, ADD/ADHD, Autism, Aspergers, Personality Disorder etc will all experience a deficit in this developmental functioning as a result of the limit their condition imposes. The therapeutic goal with these children, who are often coming to the attention of services and professionals because they are acting out in a variety of challenging behaviours or displaying emotional and/or social impairments, is always to assist the child back to the highest possible level of developmental functioning, sometimes this will be to the highest level of functioning possible given their existing limitations as opposed to what is considered age appropriate for them.
If a child has not been able to negotiate the embodiment and projective play stages they will be incapable of empathy. It is important that this is addressed appropriately to allow the child to heal, grow and develop into a healthy and rounded individual.
In my work and in addition to the above, I am using play to observe the child and ascertain where they are at now, to develop a means of communicating and connecting with the child and to enable the child to express how they are feeling. Play, in the therapeutic setting, is a means for the child to gain and express mastery of themselves, their world and their experiences. The concept of "Repetition Compulsion" is always running concurrently, seen in the child's tendency to repeat the same play over and over again or the same themes, and this compulsion is an attempt to gain control over their internal world again, particularly if something traumatic has happened in their lives. Play is a means of connecting with the healthy parts of the child and enables the therapist to develop a positive therapeutic alliance that in turn allows trust to develop and the work of processing and repairing to begin. This is always at the core of our work in Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic and guides and informs our treatment plans.
You can read more about our work on www.solamh.com or call us on 01-6976568 for further information about the work we do
Wednesday 1 June 2011
Therapeutic Play - Play Therapy - Theraplay, which one is best for your child
A child going into therapy is not a judgement or a statement against the parent(s), it does not mean that the parent(s) have failed. A parent cannot be a therapist for their child because the role of parent is so important in itself so the best thing you can do for your child is bring them to a trained and accredited Psychotherapist and/or Play Therapist.
As a Clinical Psychotherapist and Play Therapist I am almost a non-person within the therapy as the child will work best when they can see themselves reflected in both me and the environment. I can have only one primary client in the play therapy relationship, the child and the parent(s) are a secondary client. This is not to say that a parent won't be involved in or a part of their child's therapeutic process, this would be both unrealistic and unhelpful to the child...remember the child is with me for 1 hour a week but with their parents for the remainder of the time and the best outcomes occur for children who have parents who are supporting the therapy at home. To all parents I say, YOU are the expert on your children. When issues arise for the parents the Play Therapist can meet with you and offer some cognitive advice and support while referring you to a therapist of your own with whom you can fully work through these issues. I would always meet with the parent(s) first to ascertain the level of support for the therapeutic process but also to gather background information on the child, the family and the history of the issue precipitating the referral to therapy.
Parents will often ask if they are over reacting and would therapy perhaps do more harm than good if it's not warranted. Firstly, a good clinical psychotherapist will conduct a thorough assessment for therapy with your child after which they will meet with you to advise what, if any, treatment is recommended. If your child does not require therapy at this time you will be told that. In terms of play therapy specifically it is worth noting that in any case the provision of play does not have to be about a problem, all children can benefit from the provision of 'Therapeutic Play'...Play Therapy is different because there will always be pre-therapy considerations before commencing Play Therapy.
Note: Play Therapy vs Therapeutic Play: In Play Therapy (relationship based intervention) the focus is on the therapy itself whereas in Therapeutic Play (activity based intervention) the focus is solely on the play.
For a child the 'doing' of the play can be enough without using words or verbalising what is going on. It doesn't have to happen at a cognitive level, indeed much of this work is at an unconscious level. If you are employing play therapy as a means of preparing the child for a future event you would use words and/or name what is going on but if using Play Therapy as a means of processing a past event you would not necessarily use words.
Note: In expressing themselves children experience themselves; the therapist must create an expressive atmosphere. The therapist enables the child to become reassured but does not reassure them
Theraplay uses elements of play therapy but is focused on working with both parent(s) and child together to build/repair attachment wounds in the relationship, it is therefore attachment based (play) therapy. Another way Theraplay is different from Play Therapy is that the Therapist and the parent(s)/Care-Giver are the play objects in the room, they are the most enticing things in the room for the child and while you will have play and creative materials available, these materials do not in themselves mediate the development of feelings. Another explicit difference between Theraplay and Play Therapy is that the therapist will direct the parent in the activities, direct them to notice the child's expressions and behaviours, to engage in a particular way, to engage in touch/contact that is nurturing without being over stimulating. Parents will also be advised of a number of activities they can employ at home in between sessions.
It is always very difficult to quantify the duration of therapy because it is absolutely dependent on the child and particular situation but in general we can expect to see a positive change in behaviours over the course of 12-14 weekly play therapy sessions. With Theraplay the average intervention is 24 weekly sessions with one session per quarter in the year following treatment. Again these are average guidelines and may differ from one individual to the next.
For more information on any of the above you can contact me on +353 (0)1 6976568 or joanna.fortune@solamh.com See www.solamh.com for more information about our work
As a Clinical Psychotherapist and Play Therapist I am almost a non-person within the therapy as the child will work best when they can see themselves reflected in both me and the environment. I can have only one primary client in the play therapy relationship, the child and the parent(s) are a secondary client. This is not to say that a parent won't be involved in or a part of their child's therapeutic process, this would be both unrealistic and unhelpful to the child...remember the child is with me for 1 hour a week but with their parents for the remainder of the time and the best outcomes occur for children who have parents who are supporting the therapy at home. To all parents I say, YOU are the expert on your children. When issues arise for the parents the Play Therapist can meet with you and offer some cognitive advice and support while referring you to a therapist of your own with whom you can fully work through these issues. I would always meet with the parent(s) first to ascertain the level of support for the therapeutic process but also to gather background information on the child, the family and the history of the issue precipitating the referral to therapy.
Parents will often ask if they are over reacting and would therapy perhaps do more harm than good if it's not warranted. Firstly, a good clinical psychotherapist will conduct a thorough assessment for therapy with your child after which they will meet with you to advise what, if any, treatment is recommended. If your child does not require therapy at this time you will be told that. In terms of play therapy specifically it is worth noting that in any case the provision of play does not have to be about a problem, all children can benefit from the provision of 'Therapeutic Play'...Play Therapy is different because there will always be pre-therapy considerations before commencing Play Therapy.
Note: Play Therapy vs Therapeutic Play: In Play Therapy (relationship based intervention) the focus is on the therapy itself whereas in Therapeutic Play (activity based intervention) the focus is solely on the play.
For a child the 'doing' of the play can be enough without using words or verbalising what is going on. It doesn't have to happen at a cognitive level, indeed much of this work is at an unconscious level. If you are employing play therapy as a means of preparing the child for a future event you would use words and/or name what is going on but if using Play Therapy as a means of processing a past event you would not necessarily use words.
Note: In expressing themselves children experience themselves; the therapist must create an expressive atmosphere. The therapist enables the child to become reassured but does not reassure them
Theraplay uses elements of play therapy but is focused on working with both parent(s) and child together to build/repair attachment wounds in the relationship, it is therefore attachment based (play) therapy. Another way Theraplay is different from Play Therapy is that the Therapist and the parent(s)/Care-Giver are the play objects in the room, they are the most enticing things in the room for the child and while you will have play and creative materials available, these materials do not in themselves mediate the development of feelings. Another explicit difference between Theraplay and Play Therapy is that the therapist will direct the parent in the activities, direct them to notice the child's expressions and behaviours, to engage in a particular way, to engage in touch/contact that is nurturing without being over stimulating. Parents will also be advised of a number of activities they can employ at home in between sessions.
It is always very difficult to quantify the duration of therapy because it is absolutely dependent on the child and particular situation but in general we can expect to see a positive change in behaviours over the course of 12-14 weekly play therapy sessions. With Theraplay the average intervention is 24 weekly sessions with one session per quarter in the year following treatment. Again these are average guidelines and may differ from one individual to the next.
For more information on any of the above you can contact me on +353 (0)1 6976568 or joanna.fortune@solamh.com See www.solamh.com for more information about our work
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