Starting school can be an emotional experience for both children and parents, below are some tips and guidelines as to how you can make this transition smoother for all involved.
It is important to remember that change/transition is a process for any of us, the difference with very young children is that it will be challenging for them to 'articulate' this challenge and they will have to show their handling of this process in the way they knows best i.e. behaviourally.
How they will adapt to the change is dependent on their personality, temperament and how they understand what is happening. Common behaviours that are notable but not necessarily a cause for concern in this context might include; clingy, moody, angry, anxious, withdrawn/less sociable behaviours. Parents should expect to see some of this as they start Big School but you should also expect these to disappear again as they adjust, if they linger beyond a few weeks (4-6 weeks or so) then you may need to specifically address the struggle with and for them. Some children regress at times of change to behaviours that they displayed when younger and again this is quite normal while they are adapting to the change and should disappear. During this time offer lots of extra hugs and cuddles and encouragement to help them negotiate through it.
Practically, do what you can to be as available as possible to your child during this transition i.e.
-Try to be available to them the first week if you can take it off work so that you are close by if they are really struggling.
-Talk about the change in the most appropriate way for your child, for example you can do regular drives past the new school and point it out and name it as "Susie's (your child's name) school" so they form an association.
-Talk about it at home "We saw Susie's new school today, there are lots of children and fun toys in Susie's new school" etc.
-Mark the change by buying them a new back-pack, new shoes, uniform or something and name them as "Susie's school shoes/bag/lunch box/pencil case" and involve your child in this process by designing a Shopping list that they are in charge of and can tick off items as they select them with you, it is very important that they are part of choosing these items.
-It can be helpful with some children to make a story board of the new daily routine that you can hang up in their room or in the kitchen, for example, use photos or draw or cut out pictures of 1. Susie in bed 2. Susie waking up 3. Susie in Bathroom brushing teeth or getting dressed 4. Eating breakfast 5. In the car 6. A picture of the school 7. Children sitting together at a table like in school 8. Coming home (a picture of someone collecting Susie. This can help to get your child used to the various steps in the day by visualising what will happen.
And very importantly, parents must stay super positive about school as a great place and that he/she will have lots of fun there so your child can mirror your emotions and behaviours about it.
These guidelines may be of help but of course each child will react to this period of change in their own way. It is very 'normal' for a child who has had disruption to their transitions in infancy (children who are adopted, fostered, have spent significant time in hospital, had some kind of trauma in their early life) to experience any aspect of change as particularly challenging and they may need some extra support at this time from their parents and possibly a child psychotherapist. In any case, stay positive but roll with it as it happens!
Some children will run in the door of the school and never look back at you and will embrace this change on their own. Others will cry and cling to their Mums/Dad's for the first days. If your child is upset, bend down to their eye level and taking their hands in yours acknowledge their feelings "I know that you are feeling scared and you are wondering what it will be like so I can promise you that it will be great when you get inside and meet all the other children and your teacher and I will be thinking about you at home and when I come back to collect you in a while you can tell me all about it!"
This will be the first of many changes in your child's life and they will need your support through each of them. It is important to consider how this is also a big change for parents who may experience their "baby" starting school as them growing up and beginning to pull away from them. This is a hard time for parents as well, sometimes it's parents who are crying at the school gate and not the children, so I would also encourage you to make a plan to mind yourself through this change. Make a plan to meet friends after dropping your child off at school that first day and have a nice lunch. Remind yourself that your child starting school is a positive reflection on all you have done to get them to this stage. Try to remain positive for your child because they still very much need you to help them negotiate throughout this period of change, they take their lead from you and will mirror how you feel about it but ensure you have your own support network available to you in these early days.
School is a huge part of every child's life and they will grow up and experience many more changes while at school. It is very helpful to have a routine at home around school to help your child regulate themselves not only in the initial period of transition but throughout. Try to keep the morning times as calm as possible by planning ahead i.e. lay the breakfast table the night before and prepare school lunches in advance so that things are less hectic. Make sure that you have time at the end of the day to sit and talk and listen to your child's experience of their day, family dinner time is very important for everyone to share their highs and lows of the day and to debrief how they are feeling.
We support lots of children who struggle with this period of transition. For more information contact us on 01-6976568 or email info@solamh.com see www.solamh.com for more information
